Do you believe in miracles?

Who had heard of that stupid C-word 3 months ago, besides the one of the beer? I can’t hear or read it anymore, and I know many of you agree. And I thought Christophe and I had already enough on our plate...

After the diagnosis of Christophe we decided to go for a second and third opinion, to see what the doctors had to say in different hospitals in the Netherlands and Belgium. Fortunately they all gave the same advice; surgery. It was the only way to survive, otherwise they gave him just 3 months… Despite having no choice, it was extremely difficult to accept. I was not a huge fan of surgery… they open your skull… a horrible idea.. But it’s not up to me to decide, it’s his body and his decision. After many discussions and conversations we decided to go for surgery and to choose for the hospital here in Alkmaar, close to our home.

The surgery was scheduled for 4th of March. Luckily my friend came from Germany to support me during these days, I needed some distraction. It’s hard to be alone during those difficult moments. The day before the surgery, 3rd of March I was emotional to say goodbye to Christophe because we didn’t know how (and if!!) he would come out of the surgery, and if he would recognize me, if he would be able to walk again… if.. if...

After a horrible night, I decided to stay a bit longer in my bed. I told everybody, don’t call, keep the line open for the doctor. At 8:30 am I received a message from Christophe saying that the surgery is postponed and will start later… oh no… What??? This was not in my schedule… again waiting and waiting… insecurity is killing. He called me again at 12 am and said, it’s definitely postponed to next week, come and pick me up. What a … situation! And I couldn’t really understand, why??? Why on earth would they postpone a surgery of more than 8 hours? Until I heard that the day before and during the night many emergency patients came in, and the trauma helicopter had to fly out much more than usual. Therefore the hospital had no bed available in the medium or intensive care to take care of him after the surgery. These patients have priority, like the Corona patients today. No bed for Christophe… force majeure. And of course this rarely happens, only to us :-)

I was completely exhausted when we came back home from the hospital and I had to inform all the people who were in ‘tension’ like me, that was the worst part. And some people couldn’t understand… 

The week after, attempt number two… and again saying goodbye and again it was extremely hard and emotional.

The next day, I watched my phone to be sure I didn’t miss any message from Christophe, but it remain silent.

My friend came back from Germany and my aunt (her birthday!) were there to support me that day. At 4:30 pm the doctor called me and told me all the facts, surgery went well, he’s doing well and he even recognised me…and you can see him now. I was so relieved, I started to cry, all the tension and emotions came out. What a huge relief! Directly after the call I visited Christophe in the hospital. I was so thankful that he mentioned my name that I almost fainted and was obliged to leave the medium care to recover. After 20 minutes when I regained my powers and got some colour on my face I could see him again, and gave him a kiss and told him I love you, see you tomorrow.

That evening, I usually don’t drink or smoke, but that cigarette and beer tasted so damn well and toasted with my German friend on the recovery of Christophe.

Thursday morning, 2 days after the surgery, I received a text message, I took my shower, got dressed, walked around and I’m reading my book!! Two days after the surgery… incredible, what a miracle. I entered the hospital with a big smile on my face and gave him a big hug.

On Friday morning we had a meeting with the doctor and he was pleased to see the good result of his work, and we as well of course. No complications! We knew upfront the surgery was just the first step in a long process. The doctor confirmed they removed 70% of the tumor, which is good. He didn’t want to go further during the surgery, it was too risky to harm his ‘good part’ of his brain. But there’s still 30%  left and need to be treated, because it’s a malignant tumor.

That was the downside part of the conversation. And he explained the process. 1 month recovery, then 6 weeks of radiation, 1 month recovery and after 6 months of chemo (1 week chemo, 3 weeks rest). Which means 9 months to go….and after these treatments they will make a scan to see what’s the status of the tumor... We know what to do!

On Saturday morning Christophe was released from the hospital and I noticed the change of atmosphere, almost no visitors, and the staff was nervous and a bit anxious of what’s coming. The day before our Prime Minister Rutte announced the first steps in the ‘lockdown’ due to the Coronavirus which had a huge impact on our society. It didn’t come as a surprise to me knowing the current situation in Italy and being in touch regularly with my friends.

Despite the virus, his process will continue but I’m not eager to go into the hospital as you can imagine. We are very cautious not to be infected, because this would have a huge impact on his recovery, and might even be fatal. So we do online shopping, and I only go to a shop unless it’s really necessary and respect my distance.

This entire process has a major impact on our entire lives, and this pandemic on top is like being part of the worst movie you have ever seen in your entire life; you don’t want to be part of this and skip it as soon as possible or walk away. But you can’t, you need to face it, and need to move on, how difficult it might be. Our world has changed and we need to adapt, be flexible and resilient.  It’s the only way to survive!

We live now day by day and we enjoy the first miracle and the precios moments we have and hope many more to come.

PS : I’m writing a book about my personal life :-)

Stay safe and healthy!