Hold On = On Hold
The busy bee comes to a stop! Yes, me, really I am talking about myself here.
Apparently a lot of people already wondered when this moment would come, except for me.
I needed to hit my head against the wall first, many times before I came to a stop.
I knew this moment was coming but I was neglecting it for a long time. After a dear friend (thank you so much Miriam) suggested I visit a haptonoom, which I did. I was not familiar with haptonomy, and this was an unknown territory and I was not sure what to expect. Curious as I am and took the advice seriously I found a haptonoom in my surroundings.
It was an eye opener and a confrontation at the same time. Monique, my haptonoom asked me, what do you expect from this session? And I replied, I want peace of mind, I’m going nuts. I’m thinking and overthinking again and again, who am I, where do I want to go, where do I want to live, my work, my future, everything! I can’t sleep, and if I sleep I wake up exhausted and my body feels stiff, or like I drunk too much the evening before. This has also to do with my menopause, which started a year ago due to my grieving process.
I told her, I want to have a good night's sleep, and that my mind will slow down. During the session, lying on her bench, she said; You are carrying too much weight on you. It’s not that you’re too heavy, but you need to get rid of your extra luggage. And she added, things need to change. And I said, I know. Besides the losses you had in your life, your body is giving every signal that it is tired, exhausted and you can’t continue like this. Your body is waving the red flag.
The shit from your past is the nutrients for the soil of your new future
Inspired by her words, and information, I took action. Despite it feeling like a paradox, I am an entrepreneur who wants to get the maximum out of life and wants to continue. On the other side your body and mind give you an alarm that you need to stop. They are waving the red flag.
My plan is now, no planning.
No new trips with my camper on the agenda for this year
No new projects in the pipeline
And I’m not actively looking for new projects
I know I need a break but it still feels very strange and awkward for me.
The Grieving Cruise in Turkey
My intention for autumn was to drive with my camper and my cat Loekie to Turkey and to organise my first grieving cruise, together with my lovely friend Sandra and a specialised yoga teacher in grief and trauma, Lia. A fabulous program, which is still visible on my website. But I can’t do it. It’s too much, first the trip (in total almost 10.000 km) and the fact being on a boat, as the organiser and being with people going through a similar process like you. Perhaps I am still too much in my own process, or perhaps I want to escape the process and move on. Or both? Don’t know the exact reason but it gives me a huge relief that the project is cancelled. We’ll see what happens. Including the grieving walks, which helped me a lot in my process, but for now, the focus is on me. How strange!
Everything happens for a reason
Not only is my body and mind exhausted, my best buddy, companion, friend and biggest fan ever is tired. Loekie is diagnosed with diabetes and will soon leave us. It’s heartbreaking to see, and we’re approaching her farewell very soon. But which cat can say that’s been in Albania, and travelled in a camper? She’s almost 12,5 years old and now it’s her time to leave. She was there for me in the most difficult times of my life, which I am very grateful for. She will soon get the rest she deserves. She would not be able to make the trip to Turkey as well. For me, another reason to stay at home and to slow down. And to prepare myself for the incredible emotional moment of saying goodbye. Everything happens for a reason.
Loekie in front of my camper
If you close one door….
Of course you can only open your mind if you feel good. Therefore you need to close doors before you can open a new one, and when you feel in balance.
Besides having no new trips in the pipeline, I decided to invest my money in a course at the end of August called the school of transition, “The best is yet to come’. I am very curious but I know very well that the work is not done in a week's time. I started to read the required books and looking forward to a new adventure, a new step in my life.
Holidays
Can you imagine that I booked a holiday… Actually two… The first one is really booked. I decided to return to the country where I have lived for a few years before I met my husband Christophe, and it had a tremendous impact on me. Morocco! Yes, at the end of the year because I don’t like to spend time with Sylvester here, and will celebrate Christmas here with my family. Yes, I booked a flight, not going with my camper :-)
And I will go camping with my father in Belgium, incredible. This sounds for many people like a very logical step, but this is for both of us a huge milestone. We have never been together on a holiday due to different reasons. In September we will go for a week with the camper to the Ardennes, to walk, to canoe and to enjoy Belgian beers.
Be careful what you wish for
One door has opened a little. My client, the fantastic ladies Laetitia and Lucie with whom I have been working together for the last months for the project in Cote d’Azur, are creating a file to apply for an award. This was on their request, but this topic was on my bucket list as well. You see :-) We will use this summer to gather the information and to apply for the Best Marketing Award. If we win (of course we will!, we have to stay focused and positive) but to work together on this file is already a huge achievement and recognition for me. Thank you ladies!
Teamwork makes the dream work.
Attention book lovers!!
In July Maaike Hoogenboom launched her first book called ‘Dansen op de Golven’. A book (sorry only available in Dutch) about the impact of cancer on our lives and our surroundings. Honoured to be featured in her book, and proud to be the moderator of her book launch. It gave me lots of energy to be on stage again! Thank you Maaike and our ‘common’ publisher Bianca.
Maaike Hoogenboom in the middle and our publisher Bianca at the right. Photo : Arjan Broek
I wish you a lovely summer, take care of yourself